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Candy Hearts Letter for CorpseBrigadier on Ao3

Dear Creator,

Let me open by commending on you for having the similar exquisite taste in imaginary relationships to myself and by thanking you in advance for whatever you feel inspired to create me. As somebody stoked about the low stakes and bite-sized nature of the exchange, let me also say that I hope you find an occasion to experiment and have fun! While I've provided some ideas below about what I'm interested in for the canons/ships/mediums I've requested, I'm a firm proponent of optional details being optional. Given that most of my requested ships trend towards the unconventional, unintuitive, or the absurd, I'm very happy for people to let their muse carry them to interesting places with them.

[NOTE: This letter will be functionally complete at the time it is made public, but it may be tweaked to adjust details/add requests through the end of sign-ups.]


General (DNWs, Likes, Opt-Ins) | Original Work | "The Big Snit" | John Donne | Final Fantasy VI | Final Fantasy Tactics


General (DNWs, Likes, Opt-Ins, Etc...)



Do Not Wants:
• ageplay
• incestuous relationships portrayed as healthy and uncomplicated (messed-up, dysfunctional incest is more than a-okay)
• omegaverse
• pregnancy-related kinks (ex: breeding kink, mpreg, worshipful focus on pregnant bellies, etc...); narrative explorations of childbearing, pregnancy, and reproduction more than welcome
• scat/emeto (unsexy mentions of vomit and feces are okay)

Opt-Ins:
• all archive warnings
• comics, animated artwork, and illustrated fic
• epistolary fiction
• interactive fiction (I like IF a lot, you can check out my [profile] unconventionalfanworksex letter here for details.)
• non-linear narratives
• drabble sequences
• NSFW for all canons in which I don't DNW it
• whatever person/tense is your jam

General Likes:
• absurd humor
• angst
• bittersweetness
• black humor
• character death
• complex family relationships
• hurt/comfort
• illness and injury (plague and head trauma in particular)
• fever dreams
• existential despair
• non-kinky explorations of pregnancy, childbirth, and parenthood
• stoicism in the face of terrible things
• surreal imagery
• torture; religious, mythological, and/or plant-based symbolism
• whimsy
• whump

Smut Likes:
• awkward, bad, or inept sex that's still enthusiastic
• blasphemy/sacrilege kink
• clothed or partially clothed sex
• double penetration
• drunk/drugged sex
• hate sex
• gangbangs
• non-con/dub-con in general
• non-penetrative sex
• strangulation/breathplay
• undead sex
• violent sex

Art Likes: I like things with dynamic poses; things that are cute/cartoonish; things that do something offbeat and a little bit exaggerated/surreal; and things that are a little over-stylized and dripping with symbolic imagery. Limited palettes and starkly inked black and white pieces are close to my heart as I am a rotten colorist and have an affinity for styles I could conceivably emulate. I also tend to like things that are de-saturated or a washed out looking. As with my general likes, I'm a sucker for anything that has cool symbolism with plants and religion in it


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Original Work

[Requesting FIC]



Gnome Tricking Men into Cutting Off Legs With a Magic Axe/Lake Witch Sick of Axes in Her Lake

It’s that guy. It’s the little dickweed who lives in a tree stump and asks if this golden axe he happened to find is the one you just lost in a lake. He obviously doesn’t really comprehend that you’re an impoverished woodcutter and that a golden axe would probably enable you to live a decent life without any famished children or consumptive wives or whatever other fairytale woes you have. As such, this complete turd laughs as you pick it up, chop off your own legs with it, and stump hop your way home to explain that everyone in your wretched cottage will probably starve in the coming winter. What a prick!

The whole thing isn’t about you though--or even him. It’s about the strange and ethereal lake witch who lives beneath the grey waters of this remote forested lake and how she’s so very sick of people just “happening” to drop axes in her domain. As you bleed to death in the midst of the wilderness and are eaten by coyotes, you probably have no idea as to how very irritated she is about all this, and about how she is about to confront her inconsiderate neighbor about his weird hobbies and how they are driving down the value of her property.

How do they get together? Perhaps all those axes (and possibly legs) in the lake are the equivalent of a schoolboy pull of the pigtails? Perhaps the whole axe routine is to keep hot woodsman away from the lake witch’s lair lest they attract her attention? Perhaps he genuinely got the idea that this eldritch lake woman really appreciates a nice axe and wanted to provide her with some? There’s a lot of ways to make this work, and I’m very interested in all of them.

Note: This prompt is obviously inspired by this general folktale category, but the Mercury figure and the lake spirit are separated into different entities. I'm familiar with faint childhood memories of the Mercury figure being some gnome in a tree stump (was that from you, Andrew Lang?), but feel free to use whatever quirky fairy-tale tropes you like. There is no actual canon here.


The Ship of Theseus/The Ship Built Out of the Old Boards of the Ship of Theseus:

When you meet your clone, there's always only one question: do you fight, or do you fuck? ...wait, no, it's "which one is the original?" When two claims vie, the atmosphere can only get heated, and passions rise over matters of nautical nomenclature. The true ownership of the name of the Ship of Theseus is at stake. When things approach ramming speed, exactly what kind of "ramming" are we talking about?

Will there be a dreadful assault? Competing essays in journals of philosophy? The hiring of squads of orca assassins? Can two boats (one boat?) figure out how they'd actually manage to lovingly tap their keels together without sinking?

Feel free to do as you like with this prompt as regards the degree and fashion the ships are anthropomorphized, your ultimate answer as to the philosophical conundrum at the heart of this pairing, and the extent you actually wish to ground these boats in the world of Plutarch's Life of Theseus (I'm more than open to "Ship of Theseus" applying to any ship that has been disassembled to help construct the ship with which it is being shipped). If you want to sprinkle in additional philosophical thought experiments (a cameo from Achilles and the tortoise, perhaps?) that could also be fun. In general, however, Please go in any direction the muse carries you as regards this ship about ship(s).

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"The Big Snit"

[Requesting ART]

This 1985 piece by Richard Condie (all glorious ten minutes of it viewable here on Internet Archive) is one of my favorite short films of all time. I love the juxtaposition of incredibly high and low stakes upheavals, the surreal nature of the characters' eccentricities, and the extent to which the whole world is jam-packed with beautiful visual clutter. For this art, I'd love to see something that mimics the visuals of the film, and I'd also love to see something that frenzied/absurd nature of this setting and renders it in a different style.



Husband/Wife: There isn't a ton to say about these two, given that their entire characterization before their untimely apocalyptic demise consists of their respective Scrabble approaches, their personal quirks of eye shaking/compulsive sawing, their mutual appreciation of a badly played concertina, and allusions to their past romantic shenanigans at Expo 58. I am game to see anything about any of those, however. I'd love to see some illustration of the wider happenings of their past courtship or undertakings at the Expo. I'd love to see them engaging in their respective quirks, chilling with their pets, obliviously commenting on the apocalypse, or Scrabbling it up in the afterlife. Anything with them being the bizarre couple they are living in the bizarre world they inhabit is are is welcome!

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John Donne

[Requesting FIC]

I really love John Donne. Despite his groddy misogyny and his general groddy groddiness, Donne’s just so damn good at what he does, which is writing horny poetry in which the most heterogeneous ideas are yoked by violence together. I would love to read some horny re-yokings of those ideas this winter.

Feel free for any of these to yoke in some more Donne poetry if you wish to. I will never say no to more Donne. I might have to double check something, but I have read or skimmed every Donne poem at least once.


Poetic Speaker in “The Flea”/Flea OR Poetic Speaker in “The Flea”/Beloved/Flea

It’s the Donne poem that everyone knows and loves: “The Flea.” If you don’t love it yet, read it here and feast your eyes on this petition in verse that a lady sleep with you because your bodily fluids are already mingled in the same flea and that’s sort of like sex anyway. This is the height of Early Modern romantic poetry and that Shakespeare loser cannot hope to attain this brilliance no matter how many Will/will/willy puns he slides into his dumb sonnets that actually adhere to a regular poetic form.

In any event, the great tragedy of “The Flea” is that the speaker’s beloved murders the poor flea serving as the metaphor for her union with the poet. This flea deserved better. I don’t care if you resurrect the flea, look towards some pre-canon flea times here, write a canon divergence Flea Lives AU, or write about a ghost flea, but I would very much like for this poetic injustice to be righted and this flea to be part of a loving relationship. I’m looking for something where either the poet succeeds in his suit but the flea continues to be a necessary component of the relationship or for something in which the poet does not succeed in his suit, but he still has this cute and endearing flea for company.


Three Person’d God”/Poetic Speaker in “Batter My Heart, Three Person’d God”

I feel this request is pretty straightforward; it is really not hard to extract some hot Christ on Donne BDSM from this poem. I want to suggest, however, that you might want to play around with the dynamics here beyond “Jesus please batter me!” The Speaker/Donne here (and I'm very cool if you go the route of having the speaker be the actual historical John Donne) seems like an awfully demanding/whiny bottom, and maybe Jesus isn’t down for that and wants to withhold some battering for the sake of putting this guy in his place. Maybe he’s honestly a little creeped out by his enthusiasm, and would like things to slow down a little? Maybe he is egged on by his zeal for punishment and wants to get the Speaker/Donne to a point where he has to safeword out and stop begging for it so goddamn much? Maybe he’s not all into this cuckoldry with the Speaker/Donne being “betroth'd unto [his] enemy” and wants to set some damn boundaries?

If you go the “Speaker as historical Donne” route, this is the ship for which I’m most open to the introduction of biographical material or stuff from other Donne poetry. Jesus knows everything, and perhaps he wants John/Speaker to do some of that weird stuff with fleas and compasses and whatever he was into in his youth.

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Final Fantasy VI

[Requesting ART
or FIC]


I think of all the Final Fantasy games I've played, VI is the one that is most consistently good at what it does throughout. It's beautiful at marrying the surreal and goofy to the profound and operatic. Its ensemble cast is full of tropey, loveable characters that pull on the heartstrings with just a few brisk narrative moves. It's recurring focus on hope, obligation, and families of various stripes is brilliantly done throughout, and I'm hopelessly fond of it even over two decades after first encountering it.

Shadow/Cyan: I stumbled onto the idea for this terrible ship via a social media questionnaire some time ago, and the concept has haunted me since. There's so much potential here for the game's iconic sad dad and the game's iconic bad dad, and I'd love anything that looks at the parallels between the two characters and brings them to the surface in fraught and/or toxic ways. Both men are clearly haunted by trauma and nightmares. Both obviously have a pretty fraught relationship to their pasts and their identity as fathers. Both probably have a lot of less than fond feelings regarding trains. Both are also probably due for some sort of acceleration to their respective midlife crises that was postponed by the literal end of the world, and I would love seeing that pan out as an exceedingly ill-advised and hateful entanglement between the two of them.

In terms of fic, feel free to cobble together whatever scenario you feel would optimally bring these two together. I'm interested in Shadow being vindictive and Cyan being ruffled. I'm interested in thinking about their dead lovers in weird and unpleasant ways (and feel free to make Baram/Billy Clyde's ex). In general, I'd just be interested in anything you can come up with for these two that really teases out the trauma of their pasts in interesting and/or distressing ways. In terms of art, pieces that employ visual contrast or symmetry to highlight the ways these two men are and are not a part of similar stories would be great--although I'm also just an utter sucker for anything involving injury, hateful make outs, and/or Amanoesque surreal details.

Note: While you don't have to absorb any of my headcanon re: Shadow as Doman, I think it's worth exploring the connection he is shown to have has with Doma. He and Baram/Billy are very obviously doing their train robberies in the vicinity of the phantom train, and Clyde is later seen abandoning Baram at the base of the Baren Falls (which is around where he abruptly leaves your party early in the game). I'd definitely dig something that looks to what Shadow's attitude on Doma and Doman culture are, and how they might overlap or clash with Cyan's understanding of his lost homeland. Visually, it's also a fine grounds to juxtapose the two of them re: their respective roles as ninja and samurai.

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Final Fantasy Tactics

[Requesting ART or FIC]

This game has been my major fandom for a few years now. I love how immensely unrepentantly bleak it is, how it's full of Church-flavored horror, and how it is just filled to the brim with unhappy families. I'm entirely here for political backstabbing and endless misery 24/7 in this sad little world of grid-based warfare. I love pretty much everything within it, and I would frankly be happy to receive almost anything for this fandom.





Wiegraf/Zalbag: This is my deranged OTP, and I am absolutely happy to receive anything imaginable for it. I adore all the potential here, and if you want a very TL:DR breakdown, I wrote an extensive ship manifesto explaining my rationale for this unintuitive ship too. Zalbag and Wiegraf are two characters of roughly the same age who had their lives impacted by the same war, and I'd love to see things that look to how their different respective outlooks and social ranks affected them before they went on to star in some capital T Tragedy and turn into a boss battle. I'm particularly into hate sex and high toxicity for these two, but I'm stoked to see any take on them you can imagine. If you are so inspired and can pull off fluff or happy endings for these two, have at it. Feel free also to set things whenever and wherever you want. Pre-canon, mid-canon, AU: it's all good!

In terms of art, I'm similarly of a stance that anything goes for this. Draw them as pre-canon Fifty Years War soldiers, as mid-canon opponents, or just abstractly two cool guys hanging out. I am really A+ 110% all right with some injury and blood as it is applicable, and I continue to be up for dumb animal imagery in FFT art. Sheep are great. I will never get tired of Wiegraf being drawn in conjunction with or as sheep. If you're doing something appropriately cutesy and want to throw in a monkey too (Zalbag was jokingly referred to as "Monkey Bag" in the sound test menus for the game in Japanese), go for it.

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